The Hardest Part Of Social Anxiety I Had To Overcome
What part of social anxiety is the hardest to overcome? That’s the question I’ve been asked recently and I think I’ve got an answer.
The hardest thing for me to do was to start talking with other people.
Just the thought of doing it, made me feel uncomfortable.
I had so many fears and negative beliefs that spurred automatic negative thoughts.
So, in order to become comfortable talking with other people I had to overcome those fears. I had to overcome limiting beliefs about myself and about other people.
Once I dealt with these fears it became much easier approaching other people and talking with them.
At first there was some uneasiness because I had very little social skills but things improved with practice.
Here’s the key to my success…
I had to start seeing conversations with other people as something that would enhance my life greatly… not as a necessary evil.
I had to minimize the impact rejection made on me.
At first I feared rejection like crazy, but gradually I turned it into part of the process…
I started seeing rejection as a form of feedback.
But not just feedback about my approach, because that wouldn’t help me come to the right conclusions.
You see, I could do the same thing over and over again and still get very different responses….
I learned that rejection tells me just as much about other people as it tells me about me and my approach.
In the past I contributed rejection solely to myself and my lack of skills.
I thought that I just wasn’t good enough. I thought that I had to impress people in order to make them like me.
I thought that I was responsible for getting rejected.
Now, rejection also tells me what kind of person I’m dealing with.
If I’m nice to someone and I get negative vibe, this tells me that the person I’m talking to probably has some issues that make him or her act that way.
In the past I would feel rejected… I would feel like I’m not good enough for their standards.
Now, their bad behavior disqualifies them from my life.
If I don’t feel comfortable with their attitude, I choose not to be around them anymore.
So if they want to be friends with me, they have to convince me to give them a second chance.
Sometimes they do try to convince me and this usually happens when their bad behavior was a consequence of some other thing going on in their life that made them irritated or frustrated.
In this case I normally give them a second chance because I don’t mind getting new friends.
But if their bad attitude is just a reflection of who they really are, them there’s a disconnect that always leads to parting ways.
You have that power yourself.
When you’re meeting new people you don’t need to be attached to the positive outcome.
You don’t need their friendship or approval.
You don’t know them well enough to be certain that you want to be friends.
Now obviously, you have to be more forgiving with your real friends.
We all make mistakes and we all act weird every now and then.
We all deserve a second chance.[highlight]But, the bottom line is, you need to love and respect yourself for who you are.[/highlight]
You need to understand that you’re not your anxiety.
You’re a person just like anyone else and you deserve love and respect.