Being Genuine VS Being A People Pleaser - Social Anxiety Advice

Being Genuine VS Being A People Pleaser

Does your social anxiety sometimes make you feel like you’re a people pleaser? Do you think that it makes you do things for other people that you wouldn’t do if you didn’t have social phobia?

Does this make you feel like you’re being fake and not really genuine?

Maybe it even makes you a little bit afraid that other people might see you as not being genuine and actually being a faker.

Well, don’t worry about it.

We can all be people pleasers at times.

Some people do it all the time while others just do it occasionally but we all do it because we care about certain people.

Sure if you do it all the time then you probably don’t do it just because you care about these people. It’s much more likely that this is your coping mechanism.

You see, when you try to please people and you do good things for them, you sort of give them no chance to be rude to you because how can someone be rude or cruel to you if you’re being nice to them right?!

So basically this people pleasing protects you from getting hurt. It protects you from getting yelled at, being ridiculed and being laughed at because people usually don’t do these things to people they like and they probably like you because you do whatever you have to do to please them.

As long as you’re not being a doormat there’s nothing really wrong with what you’re doing if you’re trying to spread positivity.

Just make sure that people don’t start to abuse you.

Make sure that people don’t take advantage of you and your niceness.

So if you notice that they are taking advantage of you, you need to become more assertive and you need to learn how to say “no”. And of course say it when necessary. Say “no” when people ask you to do something that you think you wouldn’t do if you didn’t have social anxiety.

I know that it’s not easy to become assertive just like that but practice makes perfect.

So in order to become more assertive you need to practice assertiveness. You need to practice saying “no”.

So how do you do it?

Well, if you have someone in your life that you feel very close to and you can be genuine around that person then ask him or her to help you. Ask them if they would be willing to practice assertiveness with you.

So if they agree you can practice doing this together. You can practice saying no to each other without feeling bad about it.

And practice will help you get better at saying “no” to other people as well.

So once again, there’s nothing wrong with being a people pleaser as long as you don’t trump your own needs or desires just to please other people. In this case become more assertive.

If practicing assertiveness doesn’t help you and you still can’t do it because it makes you anxious to be yourself then you might want to do something about your belief system that is responsible for you not being able to be yourself.

And if you’d like to learn how to work on your beliefs feel free to subscribe to my email newsletter where I’ll show you how to work on limiting beliefs.

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Humberto Reyes

Hey Andre ,
Just want to say I love your podcast !! The one on Toxic Shame and on the appearance of Physical Symptoms have helped me a lot . My anxiety is usually triggered at work and it becomes a cycle of shame with the physical symptoms , but some phrases that I have reiterated and refer to when experiencing the physical symptoms and become extremely self conscious are , ” so what if they notice the symptoms and find them strange or because of them don’t want to be around me , so what. Is it the end of the world ? And if they do have an issue that’s their problem , I’ve done no harm to them personally, and if they are concerned they will ask because they care . And those that care will care about you no matter what “

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    Andre Sossi

    Exactly… you’re right Humberto. We often think that we need to impress everyone to be considered good enough. And we think that we need to be perfect in order to be loved. But that’s just wrong. You don’t have to impress everyone. In fact, if you want to be liked by everyone, you’ll end up liked by no one because no one will be able to make a real connection with you.

    That’s why it’s way better to repel some and attract others. At least those that you “attract” really like you for who you are… and they genuinely care about you. In my book, that’s way more important than being liked by everyone.

    And, of course, Humberto, thanks for your thoughts. I believe that what you said might be helpful to others who visit this blog. 🙂

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