Contact

For general inquiries about the SocialAnxietyAdvice.com, you can reach me at the following:

By Email

Andre@socialanxietyadvice.com

Click Here to Leave a Comment Below 2 comments
Kevin

Hi Andre,

I came across your video on YouTube and everything you had to say really struck a cord… a big part of it is the fear of saying something stupid, and the whole knowledge piece… that’s how I often tried to describe it to the few people that know about this – I feel I don’t have enough knowledge in my head. I just don’t. I live in Toronto (I moved from Ottawa a couple years ago)… I work at a call centre and at work it’s okay, I’m not that quiet… but we are mostly talking about work stuff… but I dred going to team meetings…because… if we are playing a game, will I be able to follow the rules? Last time we went for dinner which I went to… it wasn’t too bad as there was a buffer – there were about 5-6 people. It still felt a bit awkward as I felt I was talking less but I’d prefer that than 1-on-1.

I think listening to other people is a huge thing — what I find though when those conversations happen is that I can’t often process the information fast enough, or I’ll forget what they said — or I just won’t know what follow up questions to ask because I don’t know anything about the topic.

I am seeing a psychologist which has helped a bit but I wouldn’t say I’m that much further ad. The Meetup SA groups are always on Saturdays when I can’t attend as I have Wed-Thu-Fri off from my job.
I did make a post on the group and someone did get back to me and we’ve met up a few times now and I usually see him once every couple of weeks… I’ve started going out biking too because he does. And, now, that is an interest I can add to my short list.

As I said, your video was very accurate… I’m actually going out to see a friend I haven’t seen in about 6 months so we’ll see how that goes… we’re going to her house we’ll probably play xbox, and maybe watch a movie…catch up a bit… will be easier than a one-on-one dinner where there’s no distraction/buffer [e.g.: TV].

I hope I can connect with you somehow Andre.

Thanks,
Kevin

Reply
    Andre Sossi

    Hey Kevin!

    Thanks for your comment. I’m glad you’ve found the video helpful.

    I can see that you’re making progress and what’s even more important – you see the progress yourself.

    Let me give you two tips…

    First, having conversations is not easy for someone who has never been natural at that. It feels strange. It feels like hard work. But it’s actually just like building muscles or getting fit. Some people find it easier because they have better genetics. Others have to work harder. But in order to get really fit, we all need to go to the gym or follow a strict program. And it’s very much the same with holding conversations.

    With practice, you’ll get better and better.

    Right now you say you sometimes find it hard to process information fast enough to be able to actively participate in conversations. Well, that’s exactly what you can improve with practice. Eventually you’ll get in the flow and will become effortless. But first you’ve got to work at it. Just like if you were learning how to drive a car and you’d also have to use a clutch and shift manually. You just have to think about so many things but then it becomes a part of you.

    Now the other thing that I wanted to say is this…

    When you don’t know much about the topic say, “Can you tell me more? This sounds interesting.” … Or something along these lines and then listen. Next time you’ll talk about this topic you’ll already know a lot more. 🙂

    Hope this helps.

    Andre

    Reply

Leave a Reply: